Death and Drama
by eternal-lie
Summary: Kenny can't keep his eyes off the new girl... and neither can anyone else. But will he make it past a matchmaking Bebe, and a Murderous Cartman to make it into her heart and pants, or will she even choose him at all? Rated M for language and a little smut
1. One

**The Usual Disclaimer: I don't own South Park. I only wish I did.**

* * *

Waiting at the bus stop on a Monday morning was as regular to Stan Marsh as the sun rising in the east, or going to church on Sundays. Today though, he was the only one there. Cartman, he knew, was out sick, and Kenny had died only yesterday, apparently, so he'd probably be back around lunchtime—the start of class if it was a good day. But as for Kyle...

"Stan! My mom got us tickets to the monster truck rally in Denver on Saturday!" Kyle jogged up to the bus stop face red from the cold, grinning from ear to ear. "You're coming right?"

"Of course I..." Saturday. Saturday was the eighteenth. Saturday was his and Wendy's six month anniversary and they were supposed to go to dinner. "I can't. I've got a date, and Wendy would kill me if I cancelled."

"Oh." The Jew's face fell like a marionette with cut strings. "Alright... maybe Jimmy will want to go or something..."

This sort of thing had been happening more and more; Stan's love life getting in the way of time with his friends. Bros before hoes didn't seem to apply anymore, and Stan knew part of it was the fact that he had a hard time saying no to Wendy. He was whipped—a regular pussy, as Cartman loved to point out—and while part of him felt bad, he loved Wendy enough to make up for it.

The bus pulled up, and the Hispanic driver nodded for them to get in. The guy hardly ever said two words; not like the lunatic Mrs. Crabtree. They kinda missed the crazy old bitch sometimes... But this guy did get them to school without the hairpin turns, shrieks, and near crashes that had made riding the bus a pain in the ass. Also, there was Mrs. Crabtree's bad habit of running over Kenny.

The school yard seemed to buzz, and Stan figured there was probably some new kid. They'd had a lot of new kids over the years, including the Anti-Christ and a Mormon. Frankly, there wasn't much else to cover, so far as new kids went...

"Fellers, Fellers!" Butters came racing up to them, arms waving in the air. "There's a new girl from Arizona, and she's awful pretty."

"Oh really, where is she?" Kyle asked, doubtful.

"She's in talking to Principle Victoria, but Annie saw her when her family moved in on Saturday, and she thinks she's pretty too. That's all the girls are talking about."

Okay. So this new girl would join the other girls, and they'd do girl stuff—what was the big deal? "Ten to one she's just like Bebe, and we'll all end up ignoring her, Butters." Stan informed him with about as little enthusiasm possible.

"Oh...okay then..."

The naive kid left with his head hanging down in disappointment, and Stan noticed Kyle glaring at him. "What?"

"Did you have to make him feel bad, Stan?"

"It's better to let him down now, than have him get his hopes up, and get rejected when he asks to be her friend, or whatever he was planning."

They didn't exactly want a repeat of the Raisins fiasco. "Okay, I see your point, but we don't even know what she's like—the new girl could be just like Butters!"

That was exactly what they didn't need; a female Butters. Kenny or Cartman would take advantage of her in a matter of seconds; Kenny especially. Speaking of whom...

"_Hey bitches."_ Kenny greeted them, jogging into the playground. _"What'd I miss?"_

"Nothing much." Kyle replied. Stan didn't miss the vague look of puzzlement that crossed his eyes; he didn't quite remember Kenny dying either. They knew it had happened, but even if they witnessed it with their own eyes, according to Kenny, they never remembered properly. "Apparently there's a new girl, but we haven't seen her yet."

"_Is she hot?"_

"How should we knew—we haven't seen her!"

Kenny just laughed. Sometimes he was a little strange after dying... like a few of his brain cells hadn't regenerated yet. "C'mon, let's get to class."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_Everyone's around~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

"Are you _sure_ you're ready for this, Vicki?" Principal Victoria asked again. She had asked at least three times in the last hour, and Vicki was getting sick of it. "Really, you could have another week—"

"I don't need another week." Vicki insisted. "I already had three weeks off back in Phoenix, and frankly, being at home with my mother unpacking is only going to make things worse. I'll be much better off at school where I can meet new people and have some distractions."

The principal looked amazed at her thought-out argument. "Alright then... but you know our School Councillor, Mr. Mackey, is always there to talk to if you'd like."

"I'll keep that in mind." She replied, getting up from her seat.

"I hope they find your boyfriend safe and sound soon."

"So do I. But I'm not getting my hopes up for it."

She left the office feeling worse than when she'd gone in. Vicki hated that she had to explain to yet _another_ person why she had moved from Phoenix to South Park. How her boyfriend had been abducted while walking home from her house one evening, and no trace of him had been found. How no one was saying it, but they all thought he was dead, and that was why they had had to leave Phoenix—because the memories were killing her.

But here, maybe she could have a new beginning. Making her way to the Fifth Grade Classroom. Vicki drew in a deep breath before walking though the door, and finally seeing her classmates. They were a rowdy-looking bunch; the boys seemed to be tossing around a smaller boy's hat as he yelled indignantly in a high-pitched British accent. The girls were huddled together, except for one dark-haired girl who was instead talking to a raven haired boy she knew right away was her boyfriend. At the front of the classroom, the teacher—male, slightly older, and balding—was standing with his arms crossed, and a frown on his face. Looking her way, his face relaxed.

"Oh, you must be the new girl they told me would be coming today." He said pleasantly enough. "I'm Mr. Garrison, your new teacher."

"Vicki Monroe, sir."

Mr. Garrison smiled. "Wow, a student with some manners! I'll introduce you to the class, Vicky. EVERYONE SETTLE DOWN!" He shouted suddenly, and they all fell silently into their seats. "Thank you. Everyone, this is Vicki Monroe; a new student from Phoenix, Arizona. Vicki, would you like to tell us something about yourself?"

Something about herself? All Vicki could think of was what had happened to Matt, but that wasn't how she wanted to start this... "Um, I really like rock climbing, and I was in musical theatre back in Phoenix."

"Oh how nice—a _normal_ new student." Mr. Garrison said, and Vicki had to wonder what sort of new kids usually came to South Park Elementary. "Well, go ahead and take that seat beside Kenny, and we'll get started for today."

Sitting down, she couldn't help but sneak a look at the boy in the next desk. He wore an orange parka, with the hood up and drawn so tight around his face, all you could see were blue eyes and a long thin nose... that was a little strange. But the rest of the kids seemed pretty normal. As Mr. Garrison took the attendance, she paid attention to matching names to faces. Stan was the raven-haired one with the girlfriend, apparently named Wendy. Kyle, on the other side of her, was a red-head she suspected was Jewish. Clyde was a bigger kid—tall but stocky, and Craig was wearing a blue chullo hat. Tweek was a strangely twitchy boy and next to him was Butters, whose face screamed innocence. Bebe was a frizzy blonde who seemed to be trying to catch the eye of the only black kid, Token. Rebecca and Annie sat behind her, and the British kid, Pip, was in the back corner.

Front row, center, a seat was conspicuously empty, and Vicki knew that it was taken; probably by the mouthiest kid in the class—it was always that way. Where he or she was... well, that didn't matter. What mattered was the fact that half the class was staring at her. The girls were assessing her the way only girls could, and some of the boys were staring openly—including Kenny and Kyle. Kyle's gaze seemed fixed on her face at least, but Kenny was openly ogling her chest. Yes, she had been an early bloomer, and a quick one at that, and now it seemed that at least one of the boys had noticed.

"Now class," Mr. Garrison was saying. "Who can tell me what the capital of New York State is?"

Clyde raised his hand timidly. "New York City?"

"Wrong. Let's hear from someone who isn't a total retard; Vicki?"

Wow. Way to put her on the spot. "Albany. People often think the capital is New York City, because it's the largest city. But LA is not the capital of California, and Las Vegas isn't the capital of Nevada... The largest city isn't always the capital."

Mr. Garrison looked amazed. "Wow."

If that had impressed him, Vicki had a feeling she would be earning an easy A.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~No words are coming now~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

"So tell us why you moved to South Park, Vicki." Bebe piped up during recess. The girls had congregated around her as soon as the bell had rung, and they didn't seem to be going away any time soon.

"Well, it's not exactly a happy story; I had a boyfriend in Phoenix, Matt, and one evening when he was walking home from my house, someone grabbed him off the street. It's been almost a month, and my parents were so worried about me being sad in our old house, they decided to move to... pretty much the opposite of Phoenix. I didn't want to leave my friends and family, but I'm glad to be gone. It was really hard, being in my house, knowing that if he'd only left a little earlier..."

Annie was near tears. "We're so sorry, Vicki... we didn't think..."

"If something happened to Stan..." Wendy seemed to be lost for words.

Bebe however shrugged off the sentimentality. "You know what would make everyone feel better? A sleepover at my house tonight!"

Vicki shook her head. "I don't know..."

"Oh come on, it'll be so much fun! We can tell you all about the boys."

She caved. "Alright; I'll ask my parents."

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~And I can't find my breath~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Kenny couldn't help staring at the new girl, Vicki. She had boobs—proper ones, unlike Bebe's. And she was a hell of a lot prettier than Bebe. She had tousled chestnut brown curls, sharp grey eyes, and a decidedly pouty mouth. Not exactly Sports Illustrated, but pretty. Pretty enough that he was staring at her instead of listening to Mr. Garrison's rant about Broadway musicals.

"Kenny, stop staring at Vicki, eyes to the front and pay attention before I send you to Mr. Mackey!" Mr. Garrison said sharply, and the whole class giggled.

"_Fuck you..."_ Kenny mumbled into his hood, but Mr. Garrison caught him anyways.

"What did you say to me, young man?"

"_Fuck you...?"_

He wasn't that surprised to be kicked out of class—it was the third time this month. But Craig would always be the one sent to see Mr. Mackey more than any other kid in South Park Elementary. Kenny didn't flip people off all the time; he just had a dirty mouth and mind, both of which had a way of running away on him...

"Kenny, I do understand that what you're here for may not seem like a problem to you, M'kay." Mr. Mackey was saying. "But I think that if you have a problem, you need to learn to communicate it better. You have the same problem as Craig, and he tells me that everyone in his family flips each other off all the time. So I have to wonder... is there a lot of swearing in your house, Kenny?"

Was there a lot of swearing? _"Just my parents calling each other bastard, bitch, sonofabitch, whore... and sometimes they say shit or fuck; who doesn't?"_

"You've been to your friends' houses, right Kenny? I know Kyle's parents don't talk to each other that way, and neither do Stan's, M'kay. I think you need to realize that this is about respect. You may not like Mr. Garrison, but you still need to respect him as a teacher, M'kay."

"_I can't respect him as a teacher when his idea of learning about New York City is talking about the longest running shows on Broadway."_

Mr. Mackey opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out; Kenny had a valid point. People usually thought he was stupid, because he was poor, and liked NASCAR, and just scraped by grade-wise. But really, if he wanted to apply himself, Kenny McCormick was damn smart. Not exactly up to Kyle standards, but…

The bell rang, and Mr. Mackey sighed. "Well, you may as well run along for lunch, Kenny. But I don't want to see you in here again for the rest of the week, M'kay?"

"_Alright."_ He agreed, and made for the door.

"Just one thing before you go, Kenny. What made you swear at Mr. Garrison in the first place?"

Oh yeah; that. _"He told me off for staring at Vicki Monroe's tits. It's not my fault she's got the only decent pair in the class."_

Mr. Mackey flushed red. "Right, umm… maybe try being a little more discreet about that, Kenny. If Garrison noticed, she probably noticed, and that's not exactly the way to win a girl over, M'kay?"

Kenny made it about halfway down the hallway before he nearly pissed himself laughing. Like he'd be taking woman advice from the man whose last bang had been Ms. Chokesondik.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Can we just say the rest with no sound?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Vicki, Wendy, Millie, Bebe, Annie and Rebecca all sat around Bebe's basement that night for the sleepover. The girls were all laughing and doing each other's nails and hair, and Vicki couldn't help but feel out of place. She was the type of girl who didn't do the sisterhood-crap. Most of her old friends had been boys. But if she was going to have a new start, it was worth giving these girls a shot…

"So what's up with Kenny McCormick?" She asked. "He was staring at me all day today…"

Annie smirked a bit. "Oh, that would be your boobs; meaning that you actually have some. Kenny's a pervert—he likes anything related to sex, and he's died because of it, apparently."

"DIED?"

"Oh, he always comes back." Bebe assured her. "Somehow he just shows up again the next day. It's kind of weird, because no one ever seems to remember him actually dying. We've seen his body afterwards, but even if he apparently died in front of us... it's like we just can't remember.

Vicki felt her mouth drop open in surprise. Kenny could die, and come back from the dead, but no one remembered it happening? "But out of all the good people who die in the world, why does he come back?"

Wendy shrugged. "Well in third grade, he died and went to Hell, then convinced Satan not to take over the world, and dump Saddam Hussein. Stan said he took his hood off for once too, but none of the girls saw, so we don't know if he's cute or not."

"You mean none of you have seen Kenny without his hood on?"

"Nope!"

Vicki was somewhat awed. "That's kinda cool... maybe I should start doing that too, if it would stop guys staring at me..."

"Don't do that, Vicki; you're so pretty!" Rebecca piped up. "I'd give anything to have hair like yours, instead of _red_."

"I like red hair, Rebecca. And yours is that pretty, dark red rather than ginger-red."

"Well, you're still prettier than any of us, Vicki." Annie said matter-of-factly. "And after a couple of days, the boys are gonna be all over you. You need to know about which ones to avoid!"

"Clyde is a bit stupid, but he's always a sweetheart." Bebe launched right in. "Craig's a dick though— I would stay away from him. Stan's dating Wendy, but Kyle's free if you like Jewish. Tweek and Pip are just strange, and we think Butters might be gay. Cartman's a fat asshole, and Kenny's a poor pervert. Jimmy's nice, but the one guy everyone really wants is Token. He's a real charmer, and his parents are rich."

Vicki blinked a couple of times. "Okay and why would I need to know any of that?"

"Because if you ever want to date any of them—"

"I just lost my boyfriend, Bebe. I don't think I should be out looking for another one."

The blond didn't seem to get it. "I think it would make you feel better about Matt, to have someone to hold you, and buy you things to cheer you up."

Vicki appraised Bebe. She was smart, but seemed to have very little tact to the point of being insensitive. Wendy seemed much more aware of others, but the rest of the girls didn't follow her example; Bebe was the leader. It was a little disheartening— maybe she'd end up with the guys after all.

"Hey, I know what we should do!" Bebe cut through her thoughts. "Let's audition the boys for the chance to be your boyfriend. Or even have a contest! We could make it just like The Bachelorette!"

"Oh, that would be so romantic…"

"Better than having to actually date all the guys…"

"So cute!"

Vicki was a little horrified. She was not letting Bebe touch her love-life. "No way. I hate that show, and it's not even real—it's all for the camera."

"This won't be like that, Vicki. I promise!"

"Do you promise that any decisions are my own, and not yours? I don't want this to be a waste of my time, or become as fake as the Bachelorette."

"I promise, Vicki." She'd have to believe it; they seemed bent on making her The South Park Bachelorette.

**

* * *

**

So I don't know if anyone's ever gonna give a rip about this. But I had to get it out; even if it was in the back of my biology lectures. So, if you read this far, and wanna tell me the honest truth, let me know. All you gotta do is push that button.


	2. Two

**You know the disclaimer.**

* * *

Kyle was discussing the monster truck rally with Clyde, trying to get him to go, when Butters ran up to their little group in the hallway. "Fellers! Fellers! The girls just posted a signup sheet for a chance to be Vicki Monroe's boyfriend!"

"Right Butters and Cartman didn't almost get us raped by NAMBLA." Craig deadpanned.

"Ay! I didn't do it on purpose…" Cartman grumbled.

"_Of course not—you wanted all those creepy old perverts to yourself to plough your fat ass."_

"Fuck you, Kenny!"

Kyle couldn't help but shake his head, wondering how they'd gotten back to this again; fighting about things that had happened a long time ago. "Butters, are you sure that it's not just a prank?"

"I heard Vicki telling Bebe that she didn't want it to be a competition." Butters informed them. "Come and see for yourself."

They followed him down the hallway to the student bulletin board, and sure enough, there was a signup sheet.

'SINGLE FEMALE SEEKS SINGLE MALE! Sign Up For A Shot At Love With Vicki Monroe'

Kyle couldn't believe it was true. He had a feeling that Bebe was behind this—she watched those shows like Shot at Love and the Bachelorette. Vicki didn't seem the type. But she must have agreed to it, so maybe this could be something interesting. After all, Vicki was beautiful, and seemed pretty nice…

"I'm signing up." He announced.

"ARE YOU CRAZY?" Tweek burst out. "It could still be a prank! They could make you take naked pictures, or-or kidnap you and make you their slave!"

"That's just fuckin' paranoid, Tweek." Craig pointed out. "They wouldn't want to enslave us, and I think the only person who'd want a naked picture of any of our classmates is Kenny."

"_If it was Vicki or Bebe, hell yeah!"_ Kenny laughed._ "And I would totally be Vicki's slave."_

"You are one fucked up kid, Kenny." Token said solemnly.

Pulling out a pen, Kyle stepped up, and took the plunge of being the first to sign up. This seemed to break the ice, and the rest of them surged forward to sign up too. "Can't let Vicki be stuck with the poor kid or the Jew." Cartman sneered.

"Shut up, fatass!"

"Don't call me fat, you fuckin' Jew!"

"Guys, shut up!" Stan interjected, pushing himself between them. "Vicki may not care if Kyle's Jewish, and she may not even care if Cartman's fat. But she probably doesn't want to get stuck listening to you two rip on eachother."

He did have a point. "Alright, no more fighting about it. But Cartman, I bet you twenty bucks I get chosen over you."

"You're on, Kyle, but just so you know, I will suck up to Vicki so hard—"

"It'll be completely useless, because the girls and I are sorting through whoever signs up tonight, and I'm gonna listen to whatever they've got to say about you. So if anything, I'd try sucking up to them today."

Vicki was standing behind them, wool coat hanging open and red scarf draped loosely around her neck. Kyle felt his heart rate speed up aas she grinned. "And just so you know, we're only choosing eight guys to start with."

There was a tense moment, and then it was broken by the approach of Pip. "Vicki, would you care to join a few of us in a game of cribbage? We're playing pairs, and need another person."

"Sure Pip. But you'll have to remind me about the rules; I haven't played in a long time…"

They watched her head off with the British kid in stunned silence. Only eight of them, and she was hanging out with kids like Pip? They didn't stand a chance based on appearance or social standing alone. Cartman was the first to speak. "You guys… I think we're all officially fucked."

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~And I know this isn't enough~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

"Okay girls, let's look at the list."

They had gathered in Annie's living room after school, and were prepared for the long and gruelling task of picking through each of the boys. Well, maybe not gruelling, but certainly not a walk in the park. Bebe spread the sign-up sheet out in front of them, and they all stared down at it. "Okay, we have Kyle, Kenny, Cartman, Token, Craig, Tweek, Clyde, Butters, Stan, Bradley, Jimmy, Pip and… Ike Broflovski?"

"Isn't that Kyle's little brother in first grade?" Rebecca laughed. "How did he..?"

"Well there's one off the list… leaving twelve to narrow down to eight." Bebe summed up. "So… let's start!"

Pulling out a class photo, Wendy laid it out in front of Vicki. "I thought this might help you remember who's who."

"Thanks Wendy. Now, who's the first on the list?"

"Kyle."

Bebe smirked. "He may be a Jew, but he has a cute ass."

"He's also really smart, and always considerate to other people." Wendy added. "I've always gotten along with him best out of Stan's friends."

"You do realize Stan's put his name on this list too, right Wendy?"

"He WHAT?"

Watching Wendy blow a minor gasket was hilarious. "Stan probably didn't think he would get past the first cut, Wendy— he was just doing what the other guys were. Can you blame him for feeling left-out because he has a girlfriend?"

"I guess not." She sighed. "But I'm gonna kick his ass later. And he's definitly not in."

"Didn't think so. Next?"

"Kenny." Annie read, and then made a face. "He probably just wants to get his hands on your boobs, Vicki—he's been staring at them for two days!

"And so has everyone else." She reminded them. "Couldn't Kenny have just signed up because he likes me for me?"

"...No."

"Oh come on; he's gotta have some good qualities."

"Well, he's actually pretty smart when he tries." Millie admitted. "And he _is_ really funny, and honest, and he's never done anything to hurt anyone..."

"See, there's a good side to everyone."

"Except Eric Cartman." Bebe muttered.

"The fat one?"

"It's more than that, Vicki. He's self-centered, a bully, racist, sexist, stupid and has no conscience. He got Scott Tenorman's parents killed, turned their bodies into chilli, and then made Scott eat it."

"…He's off the list right now."

Vicki couldn't help staring at the photographed Cartman in front of her. How could someone who looked so… redneck and stupid, be so evil? "Who's next?"

"The total opposite of Cartman; Token." Millie sighed, a stupid grin plastering itself across her face. "He is super handsome, charming, athletic, _rich_…"

"So everything you're looking for in a guy?"

"Isn't that what you look for?"

Vicki couldn't help but think about Matt. He'd been tall and a little gawky, with black hair and piercing blue eyes. Matt had been awkward whenever he wasn't playing a character, but talented beyond belief as an actor and singer… "I look for things most people don't see."

"Okay…" Bebe shared a look with the other girls, and then turned back to the list. "Craig. He's sort of an asshole sometimes, but then he'll go and do something awesome."

"Next."

"Tweek." Annie read.

Vicki thought for a second. "Why is he so twitchy all the time?"

"Because he drinks like ten cups of coffee every day, and is super paranoid."

"Okay then… next."

"Clyde."

They all turned to Bebe. "There are worse guys out there. And even though _I've _never done it, Babs says he's fun in a closet."

Vicki couldn't help it; she laughed. "Like he'd know what to do in a closet!"

"And you would?"

The laughter died on her lips. She knew what to do for seven minutes in a closet; what could be managed in fifteen minutes, or sometimes less. She and Matt had had their fun when he'd been alive... "How many of you have had sexual experience?" Vicki asked instead.

"Kenny, of course, Jimmy had sex with a prostitute, and Butters has been molested, if that counts." Annie listed off. "Oh and Ike Broflovski had sex with his kindergarten teacher."

The answer was…not many. "The truth is, Matt and I did a lot more than holding hands."

The girls exchanged looks of surprise, and then they moved on, going through the rest of the list quickly, and finally narrowing down the boys to just eight. Vicki was happy with the results, but as Bebe ran over what she wanted her to do the next day, she couldn't help but worry just a tiny bit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_I still don't measure up~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

They had gathered in the far corner of the playground, anxiously awaiting the results of the girl's discussions the night before. From the way that Wendy had glared at him all morning, Stan knew she'd been there, and seen his name on the list. He still wasn't sure why he'd signed up; maybe it was because he was tired of not being able to do things with his friends because he was dating Wendy. He couldn't go to Raisins anymore, he couldn't hang out the guys as much—he couldn't even go to a monster truck rally with his best friend!

"Hey guys." Vicki stood in front of them, and they all fell silent. "So before I share the results, I want to explain how this will work. Today, the eight finalists will be chosen, and we will all hang out for the rest of the day. Then tomorrow, I will decide which six guys I choose to spend one-on-one time with. Friday, you will be narrowed down to three, and then on Saturday, the guy I would most like to date will be chosen."

"We girls will be watching, and advising every step of the way," Bebe added. "But the final decision is Vicki's."

"Which means that I will be looking at your individual qualities, and our personal interactions—not your popularity or family background."

Stan could see both Kyle and Kenny brighten up upon hearing this, while Clyde and Token looked suddenly unsure. "I will call names in alphabetical order—you're all on equal footing. Butters, Clyde, Craig, Jimmy..."

Jason took off, and Cartman seemed to be stunned. The fat egomaniac had probably thought he was a shoe-in. But Stan was surprised to see Ike step out from behind Pip, and take off sadly. He had signed up too? It wasn't _all_ that surprising; he had been with his teacher back in Kindergarten. Apparently the kid still had a thing for older women.

"Kenny, Kyle, Token and Tweek."

Pip shrugged. "Oh well, I shall have to settle for you being a capital friend, Vicki, and hope that the chap you choose treats you as well as I would have."

"Thanks, Pip." Vicki replied. "I knew you'd understand."

He took off, whistling to himself, and the chosen boys moved up to join Vicki, leaving Stan off to the side, and Cartman standing alone. Stan hadn't really thought he would be chosen, and so he didn't feel much about it. But Cartman... he'd finally managed to choke out a few words. "I...She...Bitch didn't...The Jew...?"

"Cartman, are you okay?" Bebe asked, looking alarmed.

"Why?" He croaked. "Why not me?"

Parting the crowd around her, Vicki stepped right up to him. "I did not choose you, Eric Cartman, because not one of these girls had a nice thing to say about you. They told me all sorts of stories last night; pretending to be differently-abled in order to win the Special Olympics, wanting to get a brain-dead Kenny off his feeding tube so you'd inherit his PSP, feeding your father and his wife to your half-brother! Eric Cartman, you are the vilest person I have ever had the displeasure of knowing, and I would rather die of Cancer than go on one date with you!"

There was a collective gasp at her outburst, and Cartman just stood there as the bell rang, and they headed inside for class.

"_Fatass, are you coming?"_ Kenny asked over his shoulder.

He blinked once, twice. "Screw you guys." He said very quietly. "I'm going home."

Stan watched his retreating figure with a knot of anxiety forming in his stomach. Vicki had publicly humiliated him, and the last person to publically humiliate Cartman—aside from Cartman himself—ended up eating their parents. He wasn't going to take this one lying down, even if what she'd said had been true. The fact remained that Cartman was a narcissistic sociopath. He'd want revenge.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_And I'm not prepared~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Vicki couldn't help but feel comfortable as she ate with the boys at lunch. She'd always been friends with boys—always talked about boy stuff like sports and farts. Girls cared too much about things that they thought mattered, while guys at least knew the things they cared about didn't. And they didn't seem to care that she didn't care much about what she looked like; they seemed to always like her how she was. Matt had never cared—he liked her even when she played on the guys' football team.

Glancing over at Stan and Cartman sitting two tables away, she couldn't help but feel a stab of pity. Stan seemed to be a pretty nice guy, and if he'd been single, he would have been picked. But he was with Wendy, even though she was mad at him right now, and even then, she didn't think he would be the one she chose in the end; he was too average, and a little boring. Vicki Monroe liked to have excitement in her life.

"Vicki, I was wondering... w-why did you move to South Park?" Butters asked, and they must have sensed her tense, because all conversation ceased.

"We moved because my boyfriend went missing, Butters, and my parents decided moving away would be better for me, rather than living with the memories everywhere I went."

"I'm sorry, Vicki—I didn't know!"

"It's alright, Butters." She assured him. "You guys deserve to know. The girls already do, and that's why they convinced me to do this—I need to move on and be happy."

"D-d-do y-y-you th-th-think he's st-t-till alive?" Jimmy stuttered out.

"I don't know for sure, but for his sake a hope not."

The atmosphere seemed heavier than before, and it took a few minutes for the conversations to resume. Clyde was babbling on about tacos or something when Vicki noticed that Kenny wasn't eating—only pushing his food around on his tray. "Are you okay, Kenny?"

"_I'm fine."_

"Really dude?" Kyle looked as concerned as she felt. "You seem really quiet. Usually you're making us laugh with really sick jokes..." He trailed off, and Vicki realized Kenny wasn't talking because he didn't want to offend her with a sick joke or innuendo.

"Would it make you feel better if I flashed everyone?" She asked, grinning wickedly, and making Kenny look up, thoroughly surprised.

"_Did you just say...?"_ He trailed off, and started laughing uncontrollably. _"That's it; fuck these other guys. Marry me, Vicki; we'll live in your mom's house, fuck like animals, and have twenty children by the time we're thirty!"_

Now this was the Kenny McCormick everyone liked to talk about. "I don't know Kenny... I think I might have my eye on Kyle here. Bebe's right; he does have a sweet ass."

They both laughed manically as Kyle turned furiously red. "Remind me why I wanted Kenny fixed." He muttered.

"_Oh you love it Kyle; it makes you all hard just thinking about Vicki squeezing that tight little ass of yours, begging for your cock."_

By now, the entire table was listening to their conversation, some of them looking decidedly uncomfortable. "Are you sure about that Kenny? Because I think it might be the thought of—"

"Knock it off guys!" He exclaimed loudly, and before anyone could say another word, he got up and left.

"Maybe you guys went a little far." Clyde suggested. "Usually only Cartman can piss him off that bad."

"Kyle just needs to man up, and not take it so seriously." Token said indifferently. "It's not like you two were ripping on him for being a redhead, or Jewish."

"I don't know..." Vicki had a feeling she knew what this was about. Kyle probably had thought once or twice about her that way and they were getting too close to that; it was something he didn't want them knowing. "Maybe I should go apologize."

Leaving the cafeteria, Vicki headed towards Kyle's locker, where she found him throwing his books in and out of it furiously. "Kyle?"

"Yeah?" He didn't look at her, just chucked his math textbook on the floor.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean for the teasing to bother you this much." She explained. "It was just to get Kenny... acting like Kenny."

Kyle finally turned away from his locker. "You want him to act like a pervert?"

"If that's who Kenny is, yeah. If someone's not acting like them self, then how can they form any real relationships, or friendships? I don't care if Kenny's a pervert, just like I don't care if Craig's kind of a dick. So long as you're still a good person... unlike Cartman."

"Okay... but did you really have to go on about my ass?"

"Bebe has a point; it's a nice ass. And it was convenient."

Kyle was red again. "Thanks, I guess."

"However, I don't think it'll have much impact on who I choose." Vicki grinned. "After all, I'm not really an ass girl."

"Well, I think there's a lot more to me than what I look like." Kyle assured her. "And I also think there's more to you than what you look like. You're not exactly Bebe."

"Considering how every time I turn around, Wendy's telling me how she wanted to be a stupid, spoiled whore, or dated Clyde for discounted shoes, I'll take that as a compliment." She giggled. "Although I hope you do see something about my appearance you like. And if it's my boobs, that's okay—you're just like the rest of our class. And who knows, maybe you'll be giving them a squeeze one day."

Vicki walked away laughing, and Kyle was redder than ever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_Sorry is never there when you need it~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

The girls met up after supper at Rebecca's house to discuss how the day had gone, and which two guys to cut first. Wendy had been taken to dinner and a movie by Stan by way of an apology. Vicki, getting his number from Kyle, had texted him a suggestion to choose a romantic comedy, and make sure to steal at least one kiss during the movie—Wendy needed to feel loved.

"So, Vicki, how did the day go?" Bebe asked.

She shrugged. "It was good—we hung out during lunch and recess, and then went to Starks Pond for a snow war together after school. Typical stuff."

"I thought I saw Kyle storm out of the cafeteria." Millie piped up.

"Oh, well Kenny and I were giving him a hard time about his ass."

The girls all stared at her in confusion. "Why were you talking about Kyle's ass with Kenny?"

How was she supposed to explain this one? "Okay, well, Kenny was acting really quiet, and I realized that he didn't want to act like a pervert around me because he thought I would be creeped-out. So I offered to flash him if it would make him feel better. Kenny started laughing, and then asked me to marry him so we could have tons of sex and twenty children by the time we're thirty. Going with it, I turned him down and said it was because I had my eye on Kyle and his ass. And then when Kyle muttered something about 'why did we want Kenny fixed' Kenny replied that he loved it and it 'made him hard thinking about me squeezing his ass while begging for his cock.' And that pissed him off."

Confusion had been replaced by shock and repulsion. "You let Kenny say that about you and Kyle?" Rebecca asked, appalled.

"That's not the kind of image you want to give off about yourself, Vicki." Bebe told her furiously. "Do you want them to think you're some sort of cum-slut?"

"You're forgetting that I don't exactly go for the 'not 'till we're married' type."

"Is Kyle still mad at you?"

"No, I went and apologized for giving him a hard time." Vicki informed them. "And he seemed to have no problems with Kenny either."

"Well..." Bebe was looking over the list of guys in front of her. "I think you should cut Kenny—he doesn't exactly bring out the best in you."

"I think Kenny is one of the better guys in the group. A lot better than Clyde—he kept going on about tacos."

"But he could buy you free shoes."

She couldn't help rolling her eyes. "As crazy as this may seem, there's more to life than free shoes. He's the first one I'm cutting."

Bebe huffed, but crossed him off the list. "I still think you should cut Kenny."

"You just don't like Kenny because he's poor."

"And weird, and perverted, and I have no idea what the hell he looks like."

"Okay...well I'm not that shallow." Vicki said, irritated. "So get over it; Kenny's staying."

"Well then who else are we going to cut?" Bebe shot back.

"Jimmy? He's nice and all, but I really can't see myself with him at all."

Annie looked at the list. "What about Tweek or Butters? You said you don't want a guy who's too innocent, but that's Butters all over. And I think Tweek would be too paranoid."

"Butters is very sweet." She conceded. "But I don't think it would take much to get him into someone's pants. As for Tweek, has anyone even tried to put the moves on him?"

The girls all shrugged; they'd never tried. They probably had never even thought about it—none of them had ever had sex, or anything even close. For them, it was all holding hands and kissing in corners. Small town, not big city. "I just didn't connect with Jimmy; when I was talking to him, it was all stand-up and stuttering."

They couldn't exactly argue with that. "Jimmy it is then." Bebe sighed, crossing him off the list. "But on another note, what did you think of Token?"

"He was alright to hang out with. A little insensitive when Kyle was upset though. I would think he'd understand about being ripped on. Being the only African American kid."

"The only one who's ever really bothered him about it is Cartman. I think it's because we grew up with it." Millie mused. "I remember Wendy telling me that when Chef—"

"Who's Chef?"

"No one's told you?" Annie asked, surprised. "Chef was our school chef until fourth grade. We all loved him—he was cool. Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman were especially close to him—they used to always go to him whenever they had questions, like when they needed to know what a prostitute was. But he decided to join the 'Super Adventure Club' who brainwashed him into wanting to have sex with children, and when the boys tried to save him, he was killed."

"That's terrible!"

"I know." Millie sighed. "But as I was saying, when Chef got a job at an office and the boys went to see him there, they described him to the secretary, and then she was like 'oh, the black guy' and they didn't even notice he was black. Or at least, they didn't think about him as 'the black guy'."

Vicki shrugged. "Well, I think Token's a bit insensitive and a smartass."

"But you have to admit he's handsome."

"Handsome isn't everything; Matt wasn't exactly a movie star. But his voice... we used to be in musicals together, and that was how we started going out; we kept getting leads together, and I got so used to kissing him, I decided I wanted to do it out-of-character too."

Rebecca sighed blissfully. "Oh, that's so romantic!"

"Like a love story." Annie chimed in.

"That's what it was—our love story." Vicki couldn't help but feel bittersweet remembering. "On our first date, we ended up sitting on this park bench under the full moon, and he sang Michael Bublé songs to me."

"You must miss him."

"I do." With every beat of her heart.

**

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**

Matt is loosely based on an old friend of mine I tended to get paired up with in my highschool musicals. We never dated, but the big joke was that Mike was my Stage**-Husband, and I really admired his talent as an actor and singer.**


	3. Three

**So I thought I should wait until I had a certain number of reviews, but then I remembered that I'm not doing this for the reviews. I'm doing this for me. So here's chapter three.**

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The next morning, the eight boys and Vicki met in the hallway before the first bell. "Okay guys, so today I have to cut two of you. The girls and I had a lot of debate over who should go, and who should stay, but in the end, it was up to me to decide. When I call your name, please come up and stand to the side. Kyle, Craig, Tweek, Token."

The four boys obediently came forward, and moved to the side one by one. Left standing in front of her were Kenny, Jimmy, Butters, and Clyde. "Would Butters and Jimmy please come forward?"

They did, and Kenny saw how Butters slipped his hand into Jimmy's. "One of you is cut, but both your names came up last night. It's been thought that you might be too sweet and innocent, Butters. I'm from a big city—I'm a worldly girl—and there's question as to whether you could deal with that. Jimmy, you and I didn't connect well yesterday—it was mentioned that you might be using stand-up as a way to always have something to say, rather than having meaningful conversation. But the one of you who is still in this...is Butters."

"Oh hamburgers, that was close." He exhaled, and went to join the other four boys.

"I'm sorry Jimmy."

"I-I-It's alr-r-r-right V-v-v-Vicki. I c-c-c-can see w-w-w-why."

Jimmy left and then it was down to Clyde and Kenny. "Clyde, Kenny, please come forward."

Kenny could feel his hands shaking, and shoved them into his parka pockets to stop it. This shouldn't matter that much. Besides, Vicki was going to choose Clyde—girls somehow always did. Even though he wasn't really the best looking guy in the class (that was really Craig) he was still a jock, and a girl-grabber.

"Clyde," Vicki started. "Yesterday, I kept getting this aura off of you that you didn't really care what I had to say, just that you were there listening. I didn't feel that you were being real with me. Kenny, I saw you be real—though it took a little effort to get you that way. But I had every girl telling me to cut you last night; they think you're not good for me. They think you're not good enough for me..." _Here it comes..._ "But I disagree—you're in."

He was shocked beyond belief. No way—there was no way she had chosen him over Clyde. _"You've gotta be fuckin' with me."_

"I'm not." She smiled. "I think you'd be good to me."

Kenny joined the others with his heart beating a mile minute. This was real—he'd made it past the first real cut, by the skin of his teeth. Yeah, all the girls hated him, but they could all go fuck themselves—Vicki had chosen him over their precious Clyde! And that meant he could spend more time with her, because Vicki was actually a pretty cool chick. Any girl who offered to flash him was okay in his books.

"Clyde, I'm sorry—" He just shook his head, started to cry, and ran away. "Jesus; didn't think he'd cry."

"Clyde always cries." Craig explained. "They call Stan a pussy because he's whipped, but Clyde's the real pussy."

"Wow. Good thing I cut him, though I don't get why the girls didn't tell me about that." Vicki shrugged. "Anyways... so you guys know we have a half day today and seeing as we have six guys left, you guys each get me for an hour between noon and six. Sound good?"

They all nodded their agreement. "Cool. So the order today is going to be Kyle, Butters, Token, Tweek, Kenny, and Craig. I'll meet each of you at the flagpole, and then we'll do whatever you want."

Whatever they wanted to do? Kenny knew what he would really like would have been to take Vicki to the parking lot of TGI Friday's, but he didn't think she'd appreciate that as much as his last girlfriend had. He had no idea what the hell they'd do, but... he'd think of something. Something he would do, that she'd enjoy, and that didn't involve sex.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_And I do want you to know~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Kyle waited nervously at the flagpole. He'd thought all morning about that he ought to do with Vicki. The obvious thing was to take her to lunch, and he was cool for that. But where? He'd decided to take a risk, and take her someplace no guy would ever dare to take his girl on a date.

"Hey Kyle."

His mouth suddenly went dry. "H-hey Vicki. Ready to go?"

"Sure. So what are we doing?" Vicki asked, smiling.

"I don't know about you, but I'm hungry and I thought we should go get some lunch." Kyle replied, trying to sound only half as nervous as he felt. Until she grabbed his hand and he nearly jumped out of his skin. She laughed at this, but not like she was making fun of him.

"Kyle, you are so high strung... what's up with that?"

"I don't think I'm high strung—Tweek is high strung. I'm just a little uptight."

"Alright, why are you so uptight?"

"I guess it's because I was brought up that way." He explained. "My parents are very Jewish, and my mom's the type to go protest outside the network if she thinks a TV show's inappropriate."

"That's gotta be really rough when you want to do something she wouldn't agree with."

"It can be, but it's better when I just don't tell her what I'm doing. That's how I've gone to Scotland, and fixed the Internet, and even went out into space a few times."

Vicki blinked a few times. "I would almost say that I don't believe you, but if Kenny can die all the time and come back like nothing's happened, then you could have gone into space."

They reached the restaurant, and Kyle watched as Vicki's eyes widened in surprise. Before she could say a word, he pulled her inside.

"Hi, welcome to Raisins! Table for two?"

Yes, Kyle Broflovski had brought Vicki Monroe to Raisins. Sitting down at the table, their waitress, Porsche, left to get them drinks, and Vicki finally found her voice. "Raisins? Really Kyle? You don't exactly seem the type."

He didn't usually come here, but he did like the food, and there was something he was half-hoping would happen. Sure enough, they were only there five minutes when the floor manager Mercedes came over to their table. "Honey, I don't usually do this, but I just have to tell you, you should come work for us; you're absolutely gorgeous."

Vicki looked startled. "I don't—"

"Vicki's more beautiful than any Raisins girl." Kyle said calmly, and Mercedes left, looking miffed. Vicki, however, was staring at him. "What? Its true—you're prettier than the girls who work here."

"Is that why you brought me here? Because you wanted to show me that you think I'm prettier than the Raisins girls?" He nodded. "Kyle, that's kinda stupid, but really sweet."

Score! He'd taken a gamble, but it had paid off.

"But as for working here, I think I might be a little more than Raisins—more like Peaches." Vicki grinned, and suddenly Kyle was very aware of her boobs. 'This is what it must be like to be Kenny' he couldn't help but think to himself, suddenly glad that he was sitting down, and would be for the next half-hour or so.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_I'll hold you up above everyone~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Arriving back at the school from her last 'date', Vicki was shocked to see not only Bebe there, but Jimmy and Butters with a camera. "Hey Vicki; the guys wanted to know if you would be willing to give an interview for the school news." Bebe said brightly. "I told them that you would love to!"

"Really? I—" Vicki could hardly get any words out before she found a microphone shoved into her face, and the camera pointed right at her.

"Vicki, how goes the search for a new love?" Butters asked enthusiastically.

"It's—"

"D-d-d-does it f-f-feel like y-y-you m-m-might be ch-ch-cheating on your dead b-b-boyfriend?" Jimmy asked before she could respond.

"I—" The camera, the microphone, the way they were staring at her so expectantly... It was too much pressure. "I've gotta get out of here."

Vicki ran. She couldn't answer their questions—not like that. Whose business was it if she felt like she was being unfaithful to Matt? And really, she only felt like that late at night, when that nagging thread of hope that he was alive would reveal itself... But why did they need to be digging into her life? Why did Bebe feel she had the authority to let them?

Running through the school, she hung a left down a corridor she hadn't tried yet. Racing through the doors at the end, Vicki found herself in a darkened cavern of a room; this was the little-used South Park Elementary Auditorium. Rows upon rows of seats faced a raised stage, where the only light shone. The place had the smell of being closed up a long time, and underneath it, the scent of old cloth, wooden sets, and greasepaint. It was an unexpected assault to her memory—she'd lived for this once.

Making her way towards the stage, she remembered sneaking into the auditorium at her old school with Matt, and not always for sex either. Sometimes, they had simply lain together on the stage, discussing the latest musical they were working on, or homework, or even just talking about nothing at all. They'd had their first kiss on stage, and first quickie in a backstage costume room. She'd fallen in love here...

Vicki got up on the stage. The light coming from above her was an old skylight, and through it, she could see the undersides of clouds coloured reddish pink by the sunset. It was beautiful; it reminded her of Phoenix sunsets...

'Now I am alone again, nowhere to turn, no one to go to, Without a home, without a friend, without a face to say hello to, But now the night is near, and I can make believe he's here...'

"_Vicki?"_

Kenny stepped out from the backstage area, porno magazine still in hand. "What are you doing here, Kenny?"

He blushed slightly. _"Nothing."_

"'Nothing' is much more convincing when you don't have Playboy in your hand."

"_Oh, right."_ He tossed the magazine aside. _"I heard someone singing; was that you?"_

It was her turn to blush. "Yeah, that was me. _On My Own_ from _Les Miserables._ It's one of my favourite songs."

"_You have a beautiful voice, Vicki. It's like Sarah Brightman, if she wasn't a cow."_

"Thanks Ken, I think..." Vicki giggled slightly. "I wish I could sing like Sarah Brightman. I always wanted to be an opera singer, but my mom enrolled me in musical theatre instead..."

Kenny shrugged. _"It's not too late to learn. I learned to sing opera."_

"Right and I'm the Queen of Sheba."

"_It's true! My friends and I wanted to open up a circus like Cirque de Seville, but I needed to learn to sing better, so I did. I learned opera singing and when my mom took me to a singing teacher, he told us I should go join a European Conservatory, so I went to Romania."_

"Okay, but how do I know you're telling the truth?"

"_Listen; I'll show you."_

Kenny moved to stand under the skylight, and cleared his throat, but Vicki held up a hand. "Okay a) you really should warm up, and b) aren't you going to take your hood off?"

He scowled._ "I don't usually warm up, but I won't do anything really difficult. And if it really bothers you, I'll take the hood off."_

He pushed back his hood just as the sunlight broke stronger through the clouds, and Vicki had to hold back a gasp. Kenny... His blue eyes and long nose that seemed so big inside the orange hood were framed by sharp cheekbones, an angular jaw, and a mop of dark blond hair that looked golden. He was almost unearthly in the sunlight—like one of the angels the renaissance artists had painted. "Vicki, what are you staring at?"

"N-nothing, Go ahead and sing."

'Con te partirò, Paesi che non ho mai, Veduto e vissuto con te, Adesso si li vivrò, Con te partirò, Su navi per mari, Che io lo so, No no non esistono più, Con te io li rivivrò.'

She was floored. "Kenny, you sing like a freaking angel! How is it none of the girls know about this?"

He shrugged. "I don't like to do it in front of people. The guys never did find out that I can sing, and no one else would give a fuck."

"But you have a talent! If you wanted, that could be your ticket out of South Park, and to a better life." Vicki couldn't help but say it. "You could end up being as big as Andrea Bocelli!"

"I don't think the musical world would accept an opera singing perverted redneck from a mountain town." Kenny said, seeming to accept it ungrudgingly. "And I don't think I would make a very good performer either. I mean, I usually have my face covered."

Vicki wanted to reply, but her phone buzzed—her mom was texting her to come home for dinner. "I have to go." She said instead. "I'll see you tomorrow Kenny."

He pulled his hood back up over his face, _"See you tomorrow Vicki."_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~And I do want you to know I think~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

After dinner, the girls gathered at Bebe's house once again, in order to discuss the day, and the next cut. Neither Vicki nor the boys had known, but a girl had followed them on each one of their 'dates' and made notes to share with the others before Vicki gave her report. It had been Bebe's way of keeping an eye on her, and seeing whether or not Vicki was going easy on a particular guy.

She was still steamed that Vicki had run away from the interview. The girl couldn't handle the pressure of a few questions? She had left Bebe to field the boys' questions and make sure they would report exactly what she wanted them to. No mentions of offers to flash Kenny McCormick, and lots of focus on the heartbreak of losing her boyfriend.

Now, they were waiting for Vicki, talking about what they'd seen amongst themselves. Kyle had broken the big taboo and taken Vicki to Raisins, but had apparently said something about how she was prettier than any Raisins girl. She had gone ice skating with Butters, to the mall with Token, and a coffee shop with Tweek. Kenny had sprung for indoor go-kart racing, and Craig had taken her to an early supper at Shakey's Pizza.

"Really, the one who didn't take her any place proper was Kyle." Annie was saying. "I mean, what girl likes watching girls flirt with their date?

"But he was so sweet about it, saying she was prettier. I think Kyle may have a real crush on her." Millie countered.

Bebe had had enough. "Look, it doesn't matter!" She didn't notice Vicki walking in. "That bitch screwed me over today, and so I say we force her to cut who we want her to cut!"

"Um, Bebe?" Rebecca said timidly.

"Yeah?"

She pointed, and Bebe followed her finger to see Vicki standing stock-still in the doorway, paper-white, and hands clenched tightly at her sides. She looked worse than Wendy whenever she blew a gasket. "I screwed you over today, Bebe? You were the one who sprung an interview on me out of nowhere, and let them ask me whether or not I felt like I was cheating on my dead boyfriend!"

"They promised to only ask questions that would relate to the contest!"

"Well that could mean 'What size are the breasts that you offered to flash Kenny during lunch yesterday?' or anything else like that. It's all fucking relative!"

Vicki turned to the girls. "I've decided this is over—tomorrow, I'm calling off the contest. And I'll probably go out with Kenny. Not only just to spite you all, but because I think he would be the best guy I could choose."

The girls were all shocked. "Kenny?"

"Yep. So you all can fuck yourselves; I'm going home."

They all stared after her as she left the house, and disappeared into the night. Bebe was shocked and outraged at how she could just forsake them all like that. This was a betrayal. "If she wants it over, oh it's going to be over. Girls, if any of you are caught speaking to Vicki again... you'll be left to the boys."

"You're going to outcast Vicki?" Wendy seemed even more outraged at this. "Bebe, that's inhumane!"

"She can go blow Kenny; I'd rather date Token myself anyways."

Well, that wasn't exactly true; Token was a smart-ass, and could be an indifferent bastard. But she wasn't going to let on for one second that she had had a crush on Tweek for almost two years—there were appearances to keep up. And hers as leader of the girls was the most important one of all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_You'd be good to me, and I'd be so good to you... I would~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Eric Cartman paced in his basement as Stan watched him from a chair. "Dude, what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm thinking of a plan, Stan. Thinking of how I can get my revenge, and I think it's pretty simple—wait until Vicki has chosen her new man, and then take him away from her so as to bestow her the ultimate grief."

"Dude, her last boyfriend died a month ago. She's already been through that."

Cartman stopped in his tracks "What?"

"Yeah, he was abducted or something by a pedophile, or that's what they think. Wendy told me all about it." Stan said solemnly. "She was devastated by it, but she got over it too. I don't think killing Token or Craig, or whoever she chooses is going to solve anything. And what if she chooses Kenny? He'll only be dead a day or two at the most."

"Shit." He swore under his breath. "Well, then I may have to come up with something else. I don't want her to die—that would be over too quickly. I want Vicki Monroe to go through ultimate suffering."

"Ultimate suffering? This isn't some gay drama movie, Cartman; this is the real world."

"You think I don't know that? I'm more aware than anyone what the real world is. Do you remember when I had the power to exterminate all the non-ginger children in town? Do you remember when I fed Scott Tenorman's parents to him? I can do what I want, Stan."

"You only end up doing what you want because a bunch of adults are stupid, and gingers are oppressed." He pointed out. "Vicki's smart; she'd not going to let you fuck her up."

"Oh, I'll find a way to get around her brains. She may be smart, but she also has a strong heart, and if she thinks something will happen to her lover-boy, whoever he turns out to be, then she'll come running right to me. And I think making her my slave would be pretty damn appropriate, don't you?"

He was too fucking crazy. Like, beyond the usual 'trying to get Family Guy cancelled or Kyle to suck his balls' crazy. "You're on your own dude—I'm out of this one." Stan made his way towards the door, but Cartman stopped him with a meaty arm across his neck, and his shoulders being shoved into the wall.

"Breath one word about this, Stan, and I will turn you into chilli and feed you to your parents. Got it?"

"Got it."

He let him go, and Stan got out of there as fast as he could. This was crazy—stalker crazy—and the thought of going to the police crossed his mind. But the fact that no matter what he did, Cartman was a Juvenile, and would be out in a year or two, stopped him. If he said anything, he was a dead man—plain and simple. And no adult on Earth was going to be able to protect him.

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You know though, reviews would be kinda nice... lol


	4. Four

**So this is kinda the big one. This chapter is why it's rated M. Just to warn ya.**

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The atmosphere was tense as the boys waited for Vicki outside before class. She'd told them at the end of their 'dates' that she would meet them at the flagpole fifteen minutes before class, and now it was ten to. Kenny had a feeling that something was wrong; Vicki wouldn't have been late, and she'd seemed fine the night before...

"Where is she?" Kyle asked beside him. "Do you think Cartman might've done something to her? Stan said he was still pretty pissed the other day."

"_Cartman would have started bragging to everyone if he had hurt Vicki."_ Kenny tried to believe what he was saying, but with the bad vibe he seemed to be getting... His grandmother had always told him psychic abilities ran in the family...

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late." Bebe said, running up to them."I just got a call from Vicki this morning—she's staying home today, but wanted me to make the announcement she planned to today."

"W-which of us did she choose?" Butters asked nervously.

"I'm afraid she has decided to call off the contest, because she really feels that none of you are what she's looking for. Though, we girls decided to name Token as our honorary winner."

"Alright!" He fist-pumped, then seemed to remember that he was surrounded by a bunch of guys who'd lost to him. "I mean... it's too bad Vicki didn't finish the contest, or find a guy she liked."

"Right..." Bebe rolled her eyes. "So that's it. Vicki sends her apologies, and love, and hopes to see you guys on Monday."

Before any of them could ask any questions Bebe left, and the bell rang. "I can't believe it..." Kyle was saying half to himself. "I thought for sure I felt a connection."

"_Well, don't go all psycho like Cartman because of it."_

"I won't. C'mon, let's get to class."

Kenny made to follow, but decided against it. He had a nagging feeling about Bebe's announcement. Something was off, and he wanted to talk to Vicki herself. _"I'll see you later Kyle. I'm gonna check something out."_

He had a pretty good idea of where Vicki's house was. Houses didn't go up for sale or get sold much in South Park. Making his way over there, Kenny thought about the night before. Vicki had seemed so comfortable with him in that auditorium, there was no way she hadn't felt a little something there—he had. Really, Vicki was just the type of girl he liked—pretty, easy-going, and a little dirty-minded.

Arriving at her house, he knocked on the door, and it was answered by a woman he assumed was her mom. "Hello, you must be here to see Vicki..."

"_Kenny McCormick ma'am." _He said politely. He had manners when he needed them.

"Well Kenny, Vicki's up the stairs, first door on your left." She smiled, stepping aside to let him through.

"_Wait; you're just going to let a boy go up to your daughter's room unsupervised?"_

"Why, Vicki's been friends with boys all her life—we sometimes forgot she was a girl." Mrs. Monroe chuckled to herself, and Kenny made his way up the stairs, and to the indicated door, which was open. _"Vicki?"_

Her room was painted a sea blue, but no posters or pictures hung on the walls. Boxes were piled up against one wall, and clothes were stacked on the floor—she had hardly started unpacking. Vicki was sitting in the window seat overlooking the back yard, pale morning light softly illuminating reddened eyes and tearstained cheeks. _"Vicki, are you okay?"_

She didn't turn to look at him. "You should be in school right now, Kenny."

"_So should you. But when you didn't show up at school today, I had to know that you're alright."_

"It says a lot that none of the others have even texted me."

Kenny sat across from her on the window seat. _"That's because of Bebe's announcement."_

Vicki's grey eyes snapped to meet his. "What did she tell them?"

"_That you were calling off the contest because you didn't like any of us, and the girls decided Token would have won."_

"That bitch... I was calling off the contest because of her! She wanted to force a cut based on who she thought should go—probably you and Kyle or Tweek—and we got into an argument about it. I should have known she'd take advantage of my staying home today..."

"_Is that why you're so upset?"_

"No." Her eyes started to well up with fresh tears. "I got a call from Matt's mom last night; they found him. He was in a dumpster behind our old school... Kenny, he'd only been dead a few hours!"

She broke down into sobs, and launched herself into Kenny's chest, crying against his shoulder. "He was alive for a month! A month... and I believed he was dead!"

"_You had no idea, Vicki. Most kids that are taken are dead in an hour. You didn't know."_

"I should have known. I should have... I should have made him wait until my mom could drive him home, instead of letting him walk. I should have stopped him!"

"_Vicki, don't blame yourself." _Kenny said gently, rubbing her back in 'soothing circles' like he'd seen Kyle's mom do to a hysterical Ike. _"I know it feels like you deserve it, but you don't. The only person whose fault it is, is the bastard who took Matt. No one else."_

Vicki pulled her face out of his shoulder, but didn't let go of the front of his parka. "I thought I'd gotten past all this." She said shakily. "Sorry, Kenny. You didn't need to be here for this shit."

"_I came to make sure you're alright. And that includes being your shoulder to cry on."_

Smiling weakly, she reached up, and pushed his hood back and off his head. "You're a good guy, Kenny McCormick." Vicki said softly, and then she kissed him.

Kenny was absolutely floored. Vicki Monroe, the girl so desired that thirteen boys had signed up for the chance to be her boyfriend, was kissing him. "Vicki, what—?"

"It was going to be you. I was going to end the contest by choosing you, Kenny; I knew even before I told Bebe that's what I was doing."

"What about Matt?" She was being a little bipolar about this—one minute crying over her dead boyfriend, and then kissing him the next.

"I'm sad about Matt's death, but I know it doesn't change anything. He's gone, and you and I are here, and once I get past the guilty feelings, I will be alright."

"Okay." Kenny kissed her this time, more firmly than she had kissed him, and Vicki drew closer to him—hands still clutching his parka. They broke the kiss before it could get too deep, and Kenny stood them both up. "C'mon Vicki; I think you need to get outside for awhile."

She nodded in agreement. "Let's go."

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I thought I saw a sign~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Stan noticed right away when Kenny and Vicki were missing from classes. Only the fact that Cartman was sitting in his usual seat kept him from worrying that they were dead. Kyle had told him about the sudden end of the contest, how no one had really won, and how Kenny had taken off afterwards. He wasn't that surprised, come to think about it. Kenny had seemed to really like Vicki—more than the usual 'oh, she has great tits' kind of way. More like how Kyle had obviously liked Vicki—because of her personality. So he'd probably taken off to deal with his disappointment alone.

The news of the contest ending was spreading like wildfire, and by lunchtime, the cafeteria was absolutely buzzing with it. So Stan wasn't surprised when Cartman sat across from him and Kyle, grinning like a... well, like a maniac. "Vicki didn't choose anyone?"

"No, but she didn't even come to school today." Kyle pointed out. "So I'm not going to even think about it until I talk to her."

"Well, if she called off the contest, she obviously didn't like any of you. Which means she's a free agent, and I could work the Eric Cartman charm over her without any of _you_ getting in the way."

"What are you talking about, Vicki didn't like anyone?" Wendy sat down on Stan's other side—they were better now after their date the night before last. "Vicki told everyone she was planning on going out with Kenny, and basically told Bebe and them that if they didn't like it, they could go screw themselves."

"That's not what Bebe told us this morning." Kyle informed her.

"Well, it might have something to do with the fact that Bebe told us girls to outcast Vicki."

They were just contemplating this bit of news, when Butters ran up to their table. "Fellers, fellers! I was just outside and you'll never guess what I saw!"

Stan had to ask. "What did you see, Butters?"

"Kenny and Vicki were across the street, holding hands, and then he kissed her!"

A hush fell around their table. "Are you sure, Butters?" Kyle asked weakly.

"As sure as my name is Leopold Stotch." He replied firmly. "Kenny and Vicki were kissing out there on the street."

Kyle seemed to set his jaw firmly, and Stan knew it was in disappointment. He'd hoped there was still a chance he could have a relationship with Vicki. But now it seemed that was over—she'd chosen her man. Across the table, however, Cartman was opening and closing his mouth like a dying fish. "She...she...Kenny...they...no..."

"Cartman?" Stan asked hesitantly.

He seemed to snap out of it. "She doesn't love him."

"No one's saying she does, dude. Even Wendy and I are careful with the L-word."

"She is simply transferring her feelings left over from her old boyfriend to Kenny, and those will fade until..."

He was back to the denial and madness of before. "Just accept that Vicki doesn't like you, and never will, fatass." Kyle snapped at him. "And no matter what you do, you will never change her mind about that, because if you have feelings for someone then you do, and if you don't then you don't."

"Fuck you, Jew."

"Don't call me a Jew, fatass!"

"Ay! I'm not fat I'm big boned, kike!"

"SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU!" Wendy roared, and they fell silent. "Both of you will leave Vicki and Kenny alone, or I will castrate you both with my bare hands!"

That seemed to settle the matter, but there was still the buzz all across the cafeteria. Only it had changed to the juicy gossip that Vicki Monroe and Kenny McCormick were going out, and she was probably in the parking lot of TGI Friday's with him right now, giving him a bj just like his last girlfriend.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere between the lines~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Vicki felt as if she was in a surreal dream—one she would give anything not to wake up from. Kenny had taken her all over South Park, showing her everything there was to see, from the park where the boys had given him a sock bath, to the bus stop where he and his friends had waited for the school bus for as long as they'd been going to school. Every place had a memory for him, it seemed.

Now they were out at Stark's pond, only instead of sitting or standing on the shore, Kenny had taken her hand, and was leading her down a faint path in the woods. "Kenny, where are we going?"

"_You'll see—it's a surprise."_

Well that was helpful. "Let's see, you're dragging me into the woods when no one knows where I am... this is the part where I get raped, isn't it?"

"_It wasn't part of the plan..."_ Now he was just teasing her.

"Seriously, where are we—?"

The words died on her lips as they came out into a clearing. Standing alone in the middle was a wide-spreading elm tree. Nestled among its branches was a tree house with even walls, a level floor, shingled roof, and what looked like plexi-glass windows. "Kenny, did you build this?"

"_It took me a while, but yeah. I used some money I saved up doing crazy dares and stunts to buy some of the materials, and some of it I got from the junk yard, but it's built better than my house."_

They climbed up inside, and Vicki could see that he had filled it with simple comforts—old sofa cushions and blankets, magazines and books, a battery powered lantern and a gas heater, and posters of Motley Crüe, Korn, Alice Cooper and Anthrax on the double-layered and insulated walls. "Ken, you've built yourself a home—you could live here!"

"_I do sometimes."_ He admitted. _"When it's cold and shitty at home. Or when I just want some time to myself."_

"Kind of like going to the auditorium?" She asked, then laughed when his eyes flicked over to the stack of Sports Illustrated and Playboy magazines. "That's okay Kenny," She pushed back his hood and kissed him for the...tenth? twelfth?... time that day. "Matt and I used to use the costume room to give each other oral."

"That's kinda why I showed you this place—it's somewhere we could be alone for sex or whatever."

It was a good thing she wasn't the type to be offended that he was thinking sex on the first day of... whatever it was they had going on. "Sounds a lot better than what I've been doing to myself."

In a second, Kenny had pulled her into a searing kiss that made Vicki feel like she was melting. Strong arms pulled her up against his thin frame, and Vicki couldn't help the smirk that appeared at the feel of the telltale bulge against her thigh.

"And how long has that been there?" She asked against his lips.

"All fucking day."

Kenny wormed his hands under and up her shirt to kneed her breasts beneath the cloth, and Vicki let out a soft moan. It had been a bit too long since she'd done this. Pulling off her own shirt, she watched as Kenny's eyes glazed over at the sight of her bare chest. Getting down on his knees, he laved each of her nipples with the flat of his tongue, before taking the left one in his mouth, and teasing the nub with his teeth.

Vicki was electrified. "K-K-Kenny...?" She couldn't complete the thought due to his attentions to her breasts—coherent thought was impossible. Falling to her own knees, she automatically reached for Kenny's jean front, but he stopped her.

"You first."

Lying her back on the sofa cushions, Kenny helped her to shimmy out of her jeans. The sharp smell of her arousal filled the tree house, and he grinned smugly. "Guess I did a better job than I thought."

"Kenny, shut—" He cut her off by opening her legs, and licking up her folds without hesitation. "Oh my God..."

He was tongue fucking her; shamelessly tongue fucking her. And Vicki was in ecstasy as she felt his strong muscle move in and out of her rhythmically, tip curling to hit that sweet spot inside her, teeth nudging her clit over and over... And then he stopped, and pulled out, and she couldn't suppress the whine of longing that escaped her. Until he slicked up two fingers and drove them into her, curling into her G spot and making her arch and gasp. "There!"

"Couldn't quite reach." He panted, and then lowered his head back down to tease and suck her clit, making the pleasure heighten to a new level. Making it almost too much. Vicki felt her legs start to spasm, and heard her heartbeat pounding in her ears.

"Kenny..." She gasped. "I'm gonna...I'm..."

All thought died as white light exploded behind her eyelids, and she came violently—a shuddering, spasming mass of ecstasy. And when it faded, all she could think was how much she still needed Kenny McCormick inside her.

"Kenny..?"

"Yeah?"

"No more fucking around."

Parka, jeans and underpants were soon gone, and Vicki couldn't help the giggle that escaped her at knowing Kenny went bare-chested under his trademark orange. But the smooth plane of his pale stomach leading down to an impressively large, stiff length calmed her somewhat, in the giddiness of her post-orgasmic bliss. Somehow, this dance as old as time felt like home.

Kenny straddled her, and then kissed her fiercely. "Ready?"

"When you are."

He pushed into her, and Vicki saw how his head threw back in pleasure as he paused. He was going to try to reign himself in, both as a show of stamina, and for the sake of her pleasure too. "Kenny, don't worry about me—just let go."

The leash broke, and he drove into her hard and fast and heavy, and Vicki could do nothing but cling to his shoulders tightly as she was swept away into that ecstasy again. There was nothing but them, and their connection to each other. No light, no sound; they were at a frequency high above that. It was like a super-drug; like all they could do was feel, and all Vicki could feel was every inch of Kenny's hard length pulling out and burying itself inside her over and over, faster, harder...

She came, screaming and gasping and crying and saying Kenny's name over and over as he pounded through her orgasm. Then it was his turn to have her name torn from his throat as his back arched, and seed coated her inside. And then they collapsed into a tangled heap of spent and satisfied flesh, hands running over slick skin and through damp hair.

"I love you." The words tumbled out of his lips as though he didn't realize he was saying anything at all. And he must not have expected to say it, because he blushed worse than he had in the auditorium. But she could see he meant it.

"I love you too."

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~But maybe it's me~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Though it didn't make the morning news, they had recently added an afternoon run to the SPE News, and so the story ran obnoxiously through the classrooms and halls on the closed-circuit televisions that Friday afternoon as the two people who were the subject were blissfully unaware.

"BREAKING NEWS! KENNY AND VICKI ARE GOING OUT!"

"After the turmoil of losing her boyfriend, moving to Colorado, and holding a contest trying to find a new guy, Vicki has finally found a bit of happiness with former contestant Kenny. This comes as a shock because only hours earlier, Bebe announced that the contest was off and that she had chosen no one.

"But with eyewitness reports of seeing the two kissing across the street from the school, her credibility has been thrown into doubt. Upon interview, Bebe responded that she 'hopes that bitch will choke on his dirty cock and die.' Not much support for the young couple, but we at SPE News wish them all the best. Way to go, Kenny, she's quite the catch!"

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Maybe I only see what I want~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Sitting in his basement, Eric Cartman stared at the list he'd drawn up. There were few ways to cause Vicki ultimate suffering, and fewer since she had chosen 'Kenny the come-back kid.' Killing him was useless—he'd be there the next day. But killing her would be too quick. Kidnapping was a little out of the question—his mother was between boyfriends and paying more attention to what went on in the house, and there really was no place to store a captive anywhere else. Maybe if he'd had a gullible sidekick... but Butters wasn't so co-operative when it came to these things nowadays...

"Vicki, why can't you see that I love you, and that you could love me?" He muttered to himself. "We could have been so happy..."

Really there wasn't much else he could do, but rape and kill her—slowly. Slowly enough that she would die thinking of nothing but Eric Cartman. Not of Kenny, or her dead ex. No, it would be his face and his voice that were the last things Vicki Monroe knew on Earth. And everyone would know what it meant to cross him—

"Eric honey, do you want any more colas and yum-yums?" His mother called down the stairs, as if it was totally normal to have her son brooding in the basement in front of a black board full of death and torture methods.

"No maaam, go away!" He whined in his usual tone. The one that always got what he wanted out of her. Even when it was more than likely going to hurt someone somehow, including enrolling in the Special Olympics.

"Alright, snooki-bear. Just tell me if you need anything."

Goddamnit, she could be more annoying than those people at the Airport Hilton! "Useless pieces of shit, I'll give them what's coming to them..."

A part of him was very aware that he was going crazy. Some people would have said it started when he got the Tenormans killed. But the truth was it stemmed from when he had learned from Scott they shared a father, and that he'd killed him. All Cartman had wanted in his life was a dad, and he'd killed him. The irony was just a little too much to handle, and it was slowly eating away at his mind, or what he had for a character. But he could feel himself getting crazier, and while it had scared him at first, he liked it more and more each day. Crazy people could do what they wanted.

So they would probably send him to Juvie for killing Vicki, yes, but he'd be out in a year or two—maybe even less. It all depended on how charming he could seem to a parole committee. Even if Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Wendy and the rest of the fifth grade testified against him, they would have to admit that he was chicken-shit crazy. So he'd get out, and whether or not he'd kill again... that would depend on who pissed him off how badly. And whether he'd get caught or not would depend on how he went about it...

**

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Please drop me a line, even if it's to say it sucks ass. I would rather know where I'm going wrong than know nothing at all.


	5. Five

**I have to wonder... what would I do if I owned South Park anyways? Probably wouldn't waste so much time on Fan Fiction. lol Anyways, here's another chapter.**

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Saturday dawned bright and clear, and Stan was awoken by a knocking at his window. Kyle had climbed up the tree in his backyard, meaning his mom didn't know where he was, and he didn't want Stan's mom to rat him out.

"Dude," Stan yawned as he opened the window for his best friend. "Why did you have to sneak out of the house in the morning?"

"Because my mom has had a minor revival of Orthodox Judaism, and decided we can't do anything on Saturday until the sun goes down. So I told her I was going to sleep some more, and left a bunch of clothes in my bed in case she checks."

"Smart move."

Dropping into Stan's desk chair, Kyle sighed. "Kenny didn't go home last night, and I can't reach Vicki on her phone."

"You think Cartman got to them?"

"No, we would have known by about two hours afterwards when the fat idiot would start pulling that 'you guys, you guys' crap and think we ought to be amazed he killed our friends."

"Then what is it?"

Kyle stared down at his hands. "I think Vicki and Kenny are off somewhere having sex."

Okay... "And how is that any of our business?"

"Because don't you think they're a little young? Ten year olds shouldn't give head, or eat their girlfriends out, or pound ass... We're not emotionally ready for that kind of shit."

Stan shrugged. "Maybe they are. Besides, we can't make decisions for our friends like that; it's up to them."

"Well, I think we should go look for them." Kyle stood up. "Kenny doesn't know I know this, but he has a place he built near Stark's Pond. A tree house."

"You think they're there?"

"Just think like Kenny."

Stan couldn't help it, he did, and immediately thought of how hot it would be to find Vicki riding Kenny bareback... Not exactly helpful. "If you want to think like Kenny, go ahead. I'd rather not."

Kyle laughed at him. "You actually did?" He shook his head, and headed for the window. "I'll meet you outside."

He dressed in a rush, and then almost forgot to put on socks. Running down the stairs, Stan yelled some excuse to his mother and raced outside to meet Kyle just out of sight of the house. "So how did you find out about Kenny's hide out?"

"I caught him hauling boards and stuff back from the dump, and he made some excuse about needing to fix something at his house, which was pretty stupid because he was going the wrong way. So I followed him."

"Kyle, have you ever considered you might be just as nosy as your mom?"

He sighed. "Yeah. I think it's what happens when Jewish meets Jersey."

"You have to admit, seeing you go Jersey on that Snookie thing was freaking awesome." Stan laughed. "Though I still don't know what muff cabbage is."

"It's... it's a Jersey thing. It's when a girl's vag smells funky like cabbage."

"Dude, that's sick! Why would someone call someone that?"

"Like I said, it's a Jersey thing."

They walked in silence for a bit, before Kyle spoke up again. "I miss this, ya'know. We don't get to hang out like this anymore."

"If you're going to say it's because of Wendy—"

"Well, it's her and it's me too. I have stuff I'm doing, and you have Wendy, and together...it kind of leaves us with not a lot of time to hang out together. I mean, it's made Kenny and I closer— we hang out more, just the two of us—but it's not the same as being with my super best friend."

Stan gave a half smile. "I miss this kind of thing too. Wendy and I need to have a bit of a talk about boundaries and space."

"I don't want to come between you and her—she's your girlfriend. Hell, I think you guys might make it all the way to junior high."

"I think she might like having a little more space too. Maybe she and Vicki can do some hanging out together."

"If we can get her and Kenny unglued from each other." Kyle mumbled.

"Are you still upset she didn't choose you?"

"Hey, it's only been a day, and I really like Vicki—she's a cool girl to hang out with. And it's not just her boobs."

"Well, I don't think she and Kenny will be together forever, so it's not like you don't still have a chance."

"I can live with that."

They followed a small path leaning through the woods until they reached a clearing where a wide-spreading elm tree stood alone. Up in its branches, was the tree house—a lot nicer than the ones they'd built in third grade. Light from a lantern was shining through the window; they were here.

"Should we just go up there?" Stan asked. He really didn't want to walk in on anything.

"I don't know dude—if we try talking to them, I don't know what we'd say."

Suddenly, Vicki's head popped out of the trapdoor. "Just come up you idiots!"

They stared at each other in amazement. They weren't busy fucking each other's brains out? Climbing up the ladder, it was confirmed—Kenny was sprawled out on some old couch cushions, holding a handful of cards, parka off and bare-chested. "Hey bitches, wanna play some poker?"

Kyle glared at him. "You do realize that people are wondering where the fuck you are, right?"

"Well yeah, but—"

"This is fucking irresponsible of you!"

"Kyle, lay off him." Vicki said sternly. "I decided we should stay here overnight."

Stan couldn't believe it. "You?"

"Hell yeah; I wanted Kenny to fuck me all night, though we fell asleep around 2 am."

Holy shit, they had found the female Kenny. "You don't see anything weird about that?"

They looked at each other for a moment. "Nope."

This was a little too crazy—not Cartman crazy, but surreal crazy. "You guys are ten years old—you're kids! There will be time for sex and all that shit when we're grown up. For now, we should be worrying about school, and playing pick-up games of hockey on Stark's Pond, and just trying to kiss our girlfriends."

"Stan," Kenny sighed, laying a hand on his shoulder. "That's you and Wendy, because Wendy's probably going to wait 'till you guys are married to put out at all."

He felt as if he'd been slapped across the face. "Well, at least my girlfriend's not a slut."

Kenny grabbed him by the front of his coat, and shoved him into the wall. "You don't know what you're talking about dude; Vicki—'

"Guys, stop!" She shouted, getting between them and pushing Kenny off Stan. "This is bullshit. Kenny, I am a bit of a slut—you know that. And Stan, it's not exactly your business what Kenny and I do together. This is _my_ life. I had everyone trampling through my life back in Phoenix when Matt disappeared, and the cops had to know exactly what we were doing before he left my house. Now, thanks to the fact that Butters saw us kissing in front of the school, the whole school probably knows Kenny and I are together!"

"They announced it on the school news." Kyle informed her. "Bebe was quoted as saying she hopes you choke on Kenny's cock and die."

Her mouth hung open in shock and stayed that way for almost a minute. Stan reached out to shake her shoulder, when she suddenly burst out laughing. "Oh My God! She...? Really...?"

"She's not the only one who'd like to see you guys dead." Stan cautioned. "Cartman went ballistic when he heard; worse than when Wendy blows a gasket. I think he might actually try to kill you."

Kenny shook his head, grinning. "Stan, Cartman's not going to kill us—that's just crazy."

"He's also crazy. Chicken-shit crazy."

At this, Vicki snapped to attention. "He'd acting irrationally? Planning revenge?"

Stan nodded. "Was going to make you go through 'ultimate suffering' whatever that is."

"Then I think Kenny and I are boned."

Kyle was looking confused. "How badly boned?"

"I humiliated a narcissistic sociopath, by rejecting him publically. To him, that's the ultimate pain I could have caused him, and he's going to want revenge. Because sociopaths don't connect to the value of human life, he's probably going to kill me, and based on how he dealt with Scott Tenorman, he'll do it slowly and painfully. He's a sadist."

"And how do you know this?" Kyle asked faintly.

"A lot of episodes of Criminal Minds." She said grimly. "Trying to understand why that bastard took Matt."

"So what do we do?" Kenny asked after a moment of heavy silence.

"We try to stay away from him, and we wait. With any luck, he'll go after you first, Kenny, and then we catch him for murder... or attempted murder, I guess, and he goes to Juvie for a good long while."

Stan could see that she felt this wasn't going to go that way—that Cartman was more likely not to waste his time on Kenny, and go straight to her. But she wasn't going to say it out loud, and neither was he. If it wasn't said, it might not happen. Even if that wasn't true, it was better to believe it, than accept that Kenny and Vicki would probably die, and only one would be coming back.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~And I still have your letter~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

It felt awkward, Vicki thought, to sit there with Stan, Kyle and Kenny, trying to play cards as if nothing was wrong. They'd decided to spend the day there in the tree house, rather than risk the wrath of Kyle's mom, and then go home in a group after it got dark. Cartman was less likely to try anything in the evening, because that was when his mom was home. Vicki had argued that they ought to stay in the tree house again that night, just her and Kenny, but then Kyle had pointed out that it wasn't as secret as Kenny had thought it was; Cartman could come looking for them there after his mom had gone to bed.

So she was sitting beside Kenny, and across from Stan and Kyle, teaching them how to play Spades, and all the while hyper-aware of not only her boyfriend's proximity, but every noise outside. She was in 'don't get caught' mode, and for her, that meant 'don't get caught with your boyfriend's hand down your pants'. She'd contemplated asking the boys to leave so she could relieve the sexual tension, but that would be so... embarrassing.

"I give up on this game." Kyle declared. "It's too confusing."

"Okay, then what's left to do?" Stan countered. "Because there's not much else in here."

Kenny looked a little put out. "I built this place for somewhere to jack off, not entertain people."

"Unless we turned that into a form of entertainment, it's kinda useless." Vicki pointed out. "And I think the only one you would all agree on wanting to watch would be me, and as much as I like you guys, I don't think I like you _that much_." And frankly, she wasn't that big of a slut.

"We could text Butters to bring some shit over here." Kenny suggested.

Kyle sighed in frustration. "Okay a) Butters can't keep a secret to save his life, and b) he got grounded for saying cock on the school news."

"What about Wendy?"

"She'd want to stay with Stan."

Vicki looked from Kenny, to Kyle to Stan. God, boys were dense. "Then why not send Stan out? He's not hiding from his mom, or Cartman."

"Why didn't we think of that?"

"Because it was too obvious." She couldn't help but gloat just a bit.

"Okay... and what do I do if Cartman catches me?"

"Lie."

Stan scowled. "Like I even know what to tell him..."

"Tell him anything but where this place is." Kenny said out of exasperation, and then practically shoved him out of the tree house. "Bring back my PSP."

Wow, that was a little harsh, even by Vicki's standards. "Ken, don't take it out on him; it's not Stan's fault Cartman is an evil bastard."

"I know... it's just..." Kenny slid a glance over at Kyle. "I just kinda was hoping to relieve some tension this morning."

"We could kick him out. I mean, he could still hear us, but..."

"That's not such a bad thing. I think we need to traumatize the Jew a bit."

Kyle was looking at them like they were insane. "No way, guys. That's taking this a little too far..."

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Just got caught between~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

He literally could not believe it. Kenny and Vicki had kicked Kyle out of the tree house to have a 'moment alone' a.k.a. a fifteen to twenty minute fuck. Un-fucking-believable... He was sitting at the base of the tree, while right above him, Kenny was nailing his girlfriend. Not that he'd expect any less from Kenny, but Vicki? She seemed to have a level head, and then it seemed that Kenny would flick some switch, and she'd start thinking with her cunt...

"Faster, baby..." Though the noises they were making were... interesting to say the least.

"Tell me what you need, Vic."

"I need... ohh... I need it harder Kenny..!"

Kyle couldn't help it; he was so turned on listening to Vicki's moaning, and their talk, and the sound of skin on skin... Just what he needed; a boner while sitting in the snow beneath his literally fucking friends.

Although... it wouldn't be too weird, to take care of his 'problem' would it? After all, Kenny would jerk off to the bra models in the Sears flyers. So what if he got off to the sound of his friends having sex...

"Uhh...Ken...!"

Kyle couldn't take it anymore; opening his pants, he pulled himself out of his briefs, and shivered as cool air hit hot skin. Ignoring it, he began to pump his hand up and down his shaft, somehow even more aware of the creaks, moans and grunts above him. Every one of Vicki's gasps jolted straight to his groin, and soon Kyle was closing his eyes and imagining it was him above her, driving into her and making her gasp and moan in ecstasy.

Then the magic words. "Kenny...I'm... I'm gonna... I'm GONNA... OH MY GOD...KEN!"

At the sound of her scream, Kyle felt his balls tighten, his vision went white behind his eyelids, and he came hard, coating his hand with hot cum. Vicki's name a silent scream not quite passing his lips. Then a strangled yell from Kenny signified his own completion, and Kyle collapsed, boneless, against the tree trunk. All he could think was 'Holy Shit...'

"Kyle?" Opening his eyes, he saw Stan standing over him, holding two bags of stuff. Shit. "Kyle, what the fuck were you doing?"

"They kicked me out to have sex."

"Okay... then why..? Were you...? Did you jack off dude?"

Obviously; he was still hanging out of his pants. "Vicki is really loud, and it's really hot; can you blame me dude? The only thing better would have been being up there with them."

Stan frowned. "Okay then... could you put it back in your pants dude? It's kinda weirding me out."

Kyle was too far into post-orgasmic bliss to be embarrassed. "If we went up there now, she might still be naked."

"This coming from the guy who, a couple of hours ago, was against ten year olds having sex."

"Well..." Stan had a point. Kyle was as bad a hypocrite as his dad and drugs. "It's Vicki. I don't know what to say except it's Vicki."

It was at that moment that Vicki decided to open up the trap door to the tree house. "If you guys are done discussing how hot I am, get your asses up here. And Kyle?"

"Yeah?"

"You do know I have a perfect view of your dick, right?"

"Oh yeah..." He finally gathered his brains together enough to zip up, and Stan threw him a look of disgust before heading up the ladder. And Kyle had to wonder what the hell had happened to him.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Someone I just invented~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

The boys had delivered Vicki to her home by six that night, and Vicki had faced the barrage of her parent's questions with her usual grace; she'd spent almost two years explaining to both them and her teachers where she'd been with Matt. She'd always justified lying to them with the simple logic that they would never understand, and now it was no different. How would they even begin to comprehend that some fat bastard from her fifth grade class wanted to kill her for choosing to fuck Kenny, that nice boy who'd stopped by to see her the day before?

Now she was sitting up in her room, waiting for Kenny to call her as he'd promised. He'd insisted he could walk home alone, and would call so that she knew he got home safe. Finally, her phone started blaring Eminem's _Without Me_, and she pounced on it. "Kenny?"

"_It's me; I got home okay."_

"Good. I mean, I wasn't freaking out, but..."

"_Cartman has you spooked._" He finished for her. _"I know. If Stan says he's shit crazy, then he's shit crazy."_

"Is there any way we can get rid of him?" She asked.

"_Not really—not unless he either gets what he wants, or gets side-tracked."_

"Then what can we do; hide the rest of our lives?"

Kenny sighed. _"Wait."_

That wasn't what Vicki wanted to hear. "I can't wait forever."

Then it hit her; she had the power to end this insanity. All she had to do was confront Cartman, and get him arrested before things got out of hand. She could call the cops and tip them off that there was an assault in progress, and meet Cartman somewhere. It could be the stupidest idea she'd ever had, but it was better than doing nothing, right?

"Kenny, can you hold on for one second?"

"_Sure."_

Logging on to Facebook, Vicki messaged Cartman to meet her for a talk at Stark's Pond. He messaged her back agreeing, and then she got back on the phone. "Okay, I'm back, but not for long; my parents want to go have dinner with the Stotches."

"_Do we have long enough for a little dirty talk?"_

"Can you really handle more sexiness from me?" She joked. "Really, I don't think it would be a good idea; I don't have time to get off, and have you ever sat through a dinner completely turned on, but knowing you can't do anything about it for at least three hours?"

"_Okay, babe. I'll let you go then. Love you."_

"Love you too."

She hung up, and thought about calling him back just to hear Kenny say it one more time. But instead, she dialled 911.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"I'm calling to report an assault in progress at Stark's Pond. It's a boy and girl, about ten years old... she looks pretty damned scared."

"We'll send a car out, can I get your name please?"

"I'm sorry, I—" She snapped her phone shut as if she'd been cut off, and knew a car would come out sooner for it; she probably had about ten minutes. Climbing out her bedroom window, she shimmied down the drainpipe, and took off towards the pond. After only a week in South Park, she knew her way around, thanks to the guys. Though all of them would shit a brick if they knew what she was doing now.

Reaching the pond, she saw the bulky shape of Cartman near the shore. "Cartman, thanks for coming."

He turned around, and Vicki saw the way his smirk was just a little too big to be sane. "Vicki...I couldn't believe it when you messaged me; exactly what I was hoping would happen. I've been thinking things over all day, you know. Thinking about you, and I, and us, and I realized that no matter how beautiful you are, you're just the same as every bitch out there. You have all the boys worshipping you as some idol, but they don't see how disposable you really are."

Pulling out a knife, Cartman grinned even wider. "It's time someone showed them how disposable you really are."

In an instant, he'd knocked her to the ground, knife held high. He was straddling her, and Vicki could feel his growing hard-on. He was getting off on this? The thought whizzed through her mind as he suddenly slashed downward, and cut across her cheek. The metallic tang of blood filled the air as she felt it ooze down her face.

"Cartman—!"

Taking the blade, he slit her shirt from hem to neck, and threw it open to expose her to his gaze, but his eyes narrowed upon seeing the marks Kenny had left from earlier. "You little slut..." He hissed, backhanding her across the other cheek. "You already let him fuck you?"

Before Vicki could respond, he slashed with the knife again, and cut along the top of her right breast. "He's marked you for now, but I get to mark you forever bitch." Another slash, another cut to her stomach above the navel. "Every time a guy looks at you, he's going to know that you're mine, and you'll never forget it the rest of your life."

He reached down, unzipped his fly and pulled himself from his boxers, and her blood ran colder than the snow beneath them. Oh God, anything but that—!

"_GET OFF HER YOU BASTARD!"_

Suddenly, Kenny was there, pulling Cartman off her, and punching him in the face so hard, Vicki could hear the sickening crunch of his nose breaking. "You Goddamn Sonofabitch!" Cartman yelled, one hand holding his nose, the other still brandishing the knife. "I'll Fucking Kill You!"

He lunged, and Vicki screamed as the blade sank into Kenny's chest between the ribs just as sirens came wailing around the corner, and a dozen cop cars pulled up at the pond where they stood. But all Vicki could see was Kenny crumpled on the ground, blood staining the snow crimson, eyes focused on her even as they dimmed... and then it all faded to black.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Who I really am, and who I've become~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

**Wow... this is almost the end... only one more chapter to go. Kind of makes me sad...**


	6. Epilogue

**And here we go...**

* * *

The steady beeping of a hospital machine was the first thing Kenny heard as he slowly came to consciousness. That was odd; usually they left him alone when he died. And he'd certainly died this time—he'd had a good long talk about underage sex with Satan while he was in Hell, and while the fallen one hadn't understood the appeal of Vicki's boobs, he'd been firm on the point that if he wanted to be with Vicki for the long haul, they couldn't be just about sex.

But that didn't explain why he was in the hospital, and hooked up to a machine no less. Opening his eyes though, he saw Stan and Kyle sitting there looking absolutely freaked, and behind them in the other bed... _"Vicki..?"_

"Dude, Kenny, you were out only a few hours this time." Stan informed him. "The paramedics said you died again. Kyle just came back from the truck rally—"

He didn't need to hear what they'd been doing. _"What's wrong with her? Why's Vicki..?"_

"Vicki passed out just after the cops arrived at the pond." Kyle explained. "She's okay—they checked and said it was mostly just shock, not blood loss."

Getting up off the bed, Kenny stumbled over to her bedside, limbs still less than responsive after his death earlier. _"When she said her parents were going over to Butters' house for dinner, I knew something was wrong, so I went looking for her. I don't know what she was thinking, but she met Cartman, and then he cut her up, and would have—"_

"You don't need to say it; we know." Stan replied solemnly. "They told us Cartman's looking at sexual assault, attempted rape, and two counts of attempted murder."

Vicki was lying in the bed looking frail and small. The gown covering the damage to her torso, but nothing could hide the stitches running down her left cheek. Kenny traced them lightly with his finger, and wondered how she'd react when she woke up. _"If I'd gotten there sooner, maybe—"_

"She's alive, Cartman didn't rape her, and those cuts will heal soon enough." Kyle reminded him. "You got there soon enough."

They watched as Vicki started to stir, and then her eyes fluttered open. "Hey..."

"_Hey yourself. You had me freaking out."_

"I'm not the one who died."

"_You could have been. Why did you go meet Cartman?"_

"I thought I could get him caught roughing me up by the cops. I called them to tip them off, then went to the pond figuring I'd have about five minutes. What could happen in five minutes? And I really didn't think he'd bring a knife."

Apparently she didn't know Cartman as well as she thought she did. Cartman was exactly the type of bastard who would bring a knife. _"Never underestimate a shit-crazy bastard."_

Vicki nodded. "How did you find me?"

"_You sounded wrong on the phone, and I figured you'd gone to meet him somewhere. Stark's Pond seemed to be the logical place."_

"I'm sorry Kenny; I didn't mean for you to get hurt..."

He grasped her hand, and brought it up to feel her cheek. _"I'm fine now; the only one who got hurt is you."_

Tears sprang to Vicki's eyes as she felt the damage to her face. Pulling on the neck of her hospital gown, she looked down and gasped. "It didn't... It didn't feel...I didn't think it was so bad..."

How could he tell her adrenaline made slashes seem like paper-cuts? What was he supposed to say?

"They won't look as bad when they heal, Vicki." Kyle spoke up, looking a little surprised by himself. "And it won't really matter—we're always gonna think you're beautiful."

Kenny would have been annoyed that Kyle came up with something to say to comfort his girlfriend before he did, except Vicki looked a lot less horrified by the stitches on her face, and was even starting to quirk a half-smile. And he knew then that if something were to ever happen to him, he wanted Kyle to be the one Vicki chose. He'd treat her right.

"Thanks Kyle. I just need to know that people aren't going to look at me and think 'Oh my God, Eric Cartman did that to her the night he nearly raped her.'"

"_I won't."_ Kenny promised her. _"I'm going to think, 'that happened to her the night she risked herself for us'."_

That time she did smile, and grabbing the front of Kenny's parka, she pulled him down to kiss her. "That's what I needed to hear. And when I'm all healed up, I'll make getting you killed up to you."

"_Sounds good, I can wait for..." _They looked to the boys to see if they knew how long Vicki's stitches would be in.

"The doctor said about two weeks for the cheek, and a month for the torso ones." Stan told them reluctantly.

"_Goddamnit."_

___~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~You'll be good to me, and I'll be so good to you~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

By the end of the month, things were back to a form of normalcy, or at least as close as they got in South Park. Stan and Wendy were still that wholesome couple, Kenny and Vicki were sneaking off to the auditorium during lunch and gym, and Kyle was still waiting for the right girl to come along, or for Vicki to break up with Kenny. The only major difference was Cartman's absence.

Cartman had been found guilty for the count of sexual assault, and one count of attempted murder. Unfortunately, the evidence towards an attempted rape was slim, and the second attempted murder—Kenny's—even slimmer. He'd cleaned up the evidence of premeditation at home, and when it came down to the scene itself, all they had was Vicki's word against Cartman's. So Cartman had gotten eight years in Juvie with possibility of parole in six months. Butters had sworn to the others to visit him every week, and give them a progress report of his sanity. The courts might have overlooked it, but they still knew he was crazy, and they could only hope that the standard Juvie therapy would be enough.

After all the mess had been cleared, and Kenny had had another 'accident', he had Vicki realized that she actually remembered him dying, unlike the others. Kenny thought it was a fluke, but Vicki always said it was the fact that she loved him. She loved to remind him of it in front of everyone else, followed by a PDA that would make everyone else a little uncomfortable. Or downright nauseous.

But overall, things were good, so far as Stan was concerned. He was waiting at the bus stop with his friends; Kyle was reading a book that Stan could just see actually covered one of Kenny's 'magazines', Kenny and Vicki were alternating between whispering to each other and making out, and Wendy was silently holding his hand. Until...

"Fellers, fellers!" Butters came running up to them, waving his arms and looking a little crazy. "Bebe was visiting Cartman when I went there yesterday. I think she might be planning to carry out his plan to kill Vicki!"

"Butters, that's not going to happen." Kyle said indifferently, turning his book sideways for a better view of the centerfold.

"But-but—"

"Bebe's not going to try to kill us Butters, because we sent her there." Vicki explained, pulling away from Kenny for half a minute. "She was so 'sorry' about what happened to us, she offered to do any favour we asked of her, so we asked her to take his mind off me for the next year or so."

Butters looked a little more relieved. "Oh good. I was worried, seeing as she said she hoped you'd choke on Kenny's wiener and die. I don't understand why you'd have his wiener in your mouth anyways..."

Kyle rolled his eyes. "That's what a bj is, Butters. That's what Tammy Warner gave Kenny that killed him when they were dating, and that's what Vicki gives him now."

"_She could give one to you too, Kyle."_ Kenny added, earning a smack on the arm from his girlfriend.

"Do I look like I want you pimping me out, Ken?"

"_I'm just letting you have your freedom. You know you're always welcome to teach Kyle the things he won't learn from Playboy."_

They both turned to Kyle, and started grinning like mad, and Stan couldn't help but laugh at how red his super best friend went. "I can get my own girlfriend, you know." Kyle muttered.

"But that's not near as much fun; who would we rip on, Kyle?" Vicki faked dismay.

"Anyone but me."

"_Nah, we'd still rip on Kyle. Someone has to." _Kenny 'assured' his girlfriend. _"After all, he gets off on it."_

Stan waited; three, two, one...

"KENNY YOU DIRTY-MINDED BASTARD!"

Yep, everything was pretty much back to normal, and Stan couldn't help but love it.

**

* * *

**

Fin


End file.
